The National Rule Book
by Insert Badass Name
Summary: These are the rules that many nations have tried to enforce... and failed. Includes the Hetalians, Nyotalians, 2p Hetalians, America's States, and the nation's pets. Total of eight chapters in all.
1. Hetalian Rules

**What Nations are not Allowed to do Before, During, and After Meetings**

* * *

1) England may never bring and/or convince another person to bring his spell book and/or special chalk.

2) Austria may not bring any type of musical instrument into the building

3) Speaking of which, Hungary may not bring her frying pan into the building

4) America's "suggestions" will not be taken seriously unless half of the population of nations agree with him

5) Which is rare

6) If France is naked in the room, everyone should drag all of the younger nations and England out of the room to avoid the screaming, crying, and curses England may or may not use

7) Prussia may not and will not smuggle or convince someone else to smuggle any type of alcoholic food/beverage into the building

8) Even if a nation asks for it

9) Prussia may not enter uninvited to any of the meetings

10) In fact, Prussia has to stay inside Germany's house during the week of the meeting

11) If any nation does what Prussia asks/demands (I'm looking at you France and Spain), you will be coming to the meetings via Skype*

12) Norway can not bring his "pet" kraken in any way, shape, or form

13) No one may try to ban Russia from the meeting room

14) Especially America and/or China

15) America may not and can never invite his 2p to any of the meetings

16) If America's 2p is in the room, no one may suggest playing baseball

17) Especially if 2p America suggests to do it "his way"

18) Russia's vodka is only for Russia

19) Russia's scarf is only for Russia

20) Trying to break any of the 'Russia Rules' will cause another Cold War

21) Sealand is not a country, so he is not allowed into the meetings

22) No, calling Germany a "German Jerk" won't convince him to change the rule

23) Denmark will not be strangled using his tie

24) Saying that he asked for it isn't a plausible cause to do it, anyway

25) Tomatoes are not allowed to be near Romano and Spain

26) Hamburgers are prohibited

27) If England decides to cook in the cafeteria, everyone must duck and cover

28) Pasta does not solve everything

29) Neither do white flags

30) Or robots...

31) No one may declare that they need a "Karaoke Break" and start dancing on the table

32) _**Prussia is to be given all of the alcohol in the land and-**_

33) Everyone must ignore rule number 32

34) Only Germany and Japan may change this list

35) When the lights come on, Poland may not scream "I SEE THE LIGHT AND IT, LIKE, BURNNSS!"

36) Poland can not be inside the meeting room at three in the morning, anyway

37) America may not wear a superhero costume

38) Especially when the reasoning is the "'Cause I'm the Hero!" and "I'm a superpower!"

39) In turn, America may not convince Russia to wear a villain costume

40) Canada is not 'The Ghost', 'America', or 'Birdie', he is Canada and should be referred as such

41) Denmark may not set Lego booby traps in the conference building or Norway will kill him using his tie

42) Which is against rule 23

43) Sweden and Russia may not have a major stare down since it would take 5 years to stop and we will not wait for another 5 years

44) America must stop saying "China, I choose you!" unless he wants to be sued by Japan

45) Norway must keep an eye on Iceland and his obsession with ice

46) Norway must also keep an eye on Greenland and his obsession with grass

47) No one may have a duel using ice and grass seeds

48) Russia is not a "Commie Bastard" or a "Commie"

49) Russia and Belarus may not sit together

50) Russia and America may not sit together

51) Greece and Turkey may not sit together

52) England and France may not sit together

53) UK stands for "United Kingdom", not "United Krap"

54) That is not how you spell 'Crap' anyway

55) If Prussia is ever in the meeting room, everyone must hide Turkey from him... If they ever meet, they would either be the worst of enemies or the best of friends (_AN: Prussia has never met Turkey, only his troops_)

56) During the Christmas month, the Nordics have to hide Finland from all of the other countries

57) Never mind, Sweden's enough

58) All of the fireworks that we buy will never, ever come from Hong Kong

59) Even if he says that they don't explode anymore

60) No one may hold Kumajiro or one of China's pandas hostage for ransom, we have enough problems already

61) No one will upset Poland unless they want to be chased by an army of pink ponies and sparkly guns

62) No one may make fun of America's favorite book; 'Twilight'

63) Yes, even if it is 'Mocking the English language'

64) There will be no molesting in the building

65) Yes, even if the other consents to it

66) Due to some complications with the Magical Trio, none of them are allowed to have any type of American food; it will make them hyper

67) Greece and Turkey will not fight each other

68) The Baltics may not run around the room when Russia wants to play "Russian Roulette"

69) If you even want to play "Russian Roulette", play it outside where you won't disturb the rest of us

70) The maids in the room are not called 'Hankies', 'Love-Muffins', 'Chicks', 'Bastards', or 'Sluts'

71) France may not sing 'Viva la Vida' whenever England is around

72) No one will steal Germany's wurst because he will gas you if you do

73) And that is very bad for your health

74) Speaking of that, no one will steal Italy's pasta unless you want to be bombed by both Japan and Germany

75) And that is even worse

76) If anyone dares to let Monaco start talking about ballet we **WILL HUNT YOU DOWN **

77) England may not complain about America when he abuses the Caps Lock key while he is texting

78) For the record, you do it as well, England

79) No one may suggest to play 'Twister' when France is in the room

80) Spain can not force anyone to sit on his lap

81) Even if the other 'consents'

82) No one may suggest playing musical chairs when Russia's in the room; he will break all of the chairs due to his curse and no one will win

83) No one (America) may create a nature documentary about 'nations in their natural habitat'

84) Switzerland may bring a gun to the meeting, but only if it fires blanks

85) Japan will not get rid of a 'ghost' by waving a katana around the room

86) Even if it is how Japanese priests get rid of ghosts

87) You still can't do it if there really is a ghost in the room

88) None of the Bad Touch Trio may claim that they are 'Cupid' and try to set up dates with other nations

89) Especially during a meeting

90) Germany does not have pointy ears, so he is not 'Spock'

91) A big metal robot nor a character from 'My Little Pony' can solve world hunger and/or Global Warming

92) No one will barge into the room dressed as a zombie

93) Or a unicorn

94) Or a Pictonian

95) ... or a bag of chips

96) America may not crash through the wall riding a bald eagle

97) No, no one cares that it's 'awesome'

98) No one may ask Seychelles at how she can train dolphins to talk and walk on land

99) Even if it IS questionable

100) Teaching young countries about sex is not permitted

101) Teaching Italy about sex is not permitted

102) If you grin about something for more than 5 seconds and then laugh evilly, then it is not permitted

103) Giving a scone as a Christmas present is distasteful

104) Hockey sticks are not pogo sticks and you should never turn a hockey stick into one unless you fancy having a polar bear mauling on your head

105) Chair legs are not hockey pucks

106) Neither are nations

107) ... or Gilbird

108) Italy will stop singing 'Shine Bright like a Doitsu'

109) Italy will not claim that it's his national anthem

110) Sealand will not call the United Nations meetings 'United Nigger' meetings

111) Even if some of the micronations find it funny

112) Not every problem in the world is about relationships between countries

113) Stop suggesting three-somes to solve said 'problem'

114) Germany can not comfort Italy if Romano is in the room

115) Even if Italy is hurt

116) Or traumatized

117) Or being bullied

118) Romano can handle it

119) Egypt will not offer to give France/Poland his old-fashioned make-up

120)They will take it as a personal challenge to evenly smear it on someone else's face

121) In which they will fail at

122) England, Norway, and Romania may not claim that they see Death next to any nation, tapping an hourglass impatiently

123) Romania may not bring Merlin the Time-Traveling Magician to any of the meetings

124) Even if he brings cupcakes

125) Slenderman lives in Black Forest and Germany will shoot you down if you attempt to go in there

126) Dropping a box between Germany and Prussia and shouting that it's the Berlin Wall is distasteful and will get your head blown off

127) Russia is not the 'Wicked Witch of the East'

128) Neither is Germany

129) Russia will not melt if water is poured on him

130) Neither will Germany

131) We do not need background music

132) Germany's background music is not 'Shine Bright like a Doitsu'

133) You may not dump lemonade on a carpeted area and pretend to slip on it

134) No one may give England a copy of 'Battleship'

135) He will challenge Spain to play against him

136) Spain will fail and it will cause another World War because of the amount of allies that they both have

137) We do not want that

138) When sharing your nations' goals, you may not say that you're going to take over the world using gummy bears

* * *

**End... for now~!**

**Please review and suggest some stuff!**

**I do not own Hetalia and many of the products/stores/foods here. If I put anything there, I don't own it, only the plot of the story**


	2. 2p Hetalian Rules

**What Nations are not Allowed to do Before, During, and After Meetings**

**2p Hetalian Version**

* * *

1) Knives, guns, and atomic bombs are not allowed into the meeting room

2) England will not make cupcakes made out of other nations

3) No, no one cares if they said a bad word

4) Canada and Italy will not engage into a one-on-one combat

5) Especially if it's on the table. We do not want to buy anymore tables

6) America will not nuke the table just to get everyone's attention

7) China will not bomb the table

8) Especially when the reasoning is "because I felt like it"

9) You know what? No one may harm the table in any way, shape, or form

10) America may not hide all of the meat in the building and demand that the other nations eat vegetables

11) Russia may not bring his shovel to the meeting

12) America may not claim the Russia's red scarf is stained with animal blood and attempt to bomb it off

13) Canada may not threaten all the poachers in the land

14) Canada may not bring a dead poacher to the meeting to prove his point

15) Germany may not sell cigarettes to France

16) Germany may not sell cigarettes to Italy

17) Italy may not smile

18) Especially on the Fourth of July. America will go insane with paranoia and make it his life-long mission to steal Italy's knives to prevent attack

19) Then we'll all get involved since we're all Italy's ally

20) France may not claim that he's the Grim Reaper and try to exterminate everyone

21) China may not do this as well

22) No one may invite our 1ps to a dinner party

23) Especially when **we're all tied down to the chairs**

24) Yes, I'm looking at you England

25) England may not claim that he was just "joking" when he nuked Russia's ass

26) No one may steal England's "swear jar" unless they fancy becoming a cupcake

27) Prussia may not weep when someone asks for his name

28) He will not scream "TAKE IT TAKE IT" when they ask for his name

29) It's degrading and Germans are stronger than that

30) Italy is not "Italy the Great" or "Italy the Assassinator of Assassins"

31) Even if he is

32) America is not allowed out of the 2p dimension after the "baseball incident" with his 1p

33) America is not allowed to communicate with his 1p after the "paranoia incident"

34) In the 2p Canada, the Canadians are paid to smile. Therefore, no one will comment on how "happy" they look

35) Unless you're Italy

36) The Baltics do not have to follow these rules, but they have to leave the table alone

37) Period

38) No one will make fun of rule 37... especially America

39) Whenever you become angry, refrain from destroying all the chairs in Romano's house

40) And tables

41) ... and windows

42) Just leave Romano and his house alone

43) Trying to construct a 'torture chamber' in the meeting room is prohibited

44) Selling rat poison in the building where the meeting is held is prohibited

45) Killing isn't the solution to everything

46) No one will question why Canada always carries a hockey stick around when he loathes hockey

47) We all know the answer to that

48) Whenever France cooks, we must all leave the building immediately

49) Japan will not force everyone to fight in a death match just because he's bored

50) No one may follow these rules in the name of Japan

* * *

_Yeah..._

_Since this is like an opposite dimension, Japan wouldn't like this stuff_

_They seem to like damaging the table_

_A lot_

_There_

_Be happy, and review_

_Unless you fancy having a bunch of broken tables in your house_

_I don't own Hetalia._

_Nyotalia is next~! :D_


	3. Nyotalian Rules

**Things that Nations are not Allowed to do Before, During, and After Meetings**

**Nyotalia style**

* * *

1) America and her male counterpart may not argue about whether hotdogs or hamburgers are better

2) They also may not argue about which New York is better

3) France may not say that England isn't elegant

4) France may not tell England that she once saw England in a rock star outfit

5) France may not bring a picture of England in a rock star outfit

6) We're tired of crowbarring you off of the sidewalk

7) Italy may not scream at anyone who dislikes her pasta

8) Italy may not kick anyone who dislikes her pasta

9) Italy may not stab anyone who dislikes her pasta

10) Italy may not bomb anyone who dislikes her pasta

11) Prussia will not construct giant paper wings and attempt to fly with them

12) You will fail

13) Prussia will not construct tiny paper wings for Gilbird

14) She does not need another pair of wings

15) When Romano goes into her "Mafia Phase", Italy must stop her from pelting everyone with tomatoes

16) Russia may not contact her male counterpart and go on a "shopping" spree

17) Especially if the "shopping" list consists of other nations and blood

18) And, it will make Belarus jealous

19) England may not hit France with her frying pan

20) Austria may not faint when she sees Hungary's giant metal spoon

21) Prussia may not wear a mask and pretend to be a proxy

22) Slenderman and Germany will be pissed off

23) Rape is not legal

24) Even if Germany [somehow] makes it legal

25) Germany is not a tsundere

26) Yes, even if she acts like it

27) America is not a slut

28) South Korea will not try to grope China

29) China will not whack her into the moon in response

30) Just because Japan wears flowers does not make her a girly-girl

31) She will try to terminate you using her high-tech robots

32) Germany will not brag about her engineer superiority over China

33) Even though a German bike can be hit by a Chinese car and still remain intact...

34) America does not own the moon and will not kick anyone who disagrees with her

35) Greece is not made out of cats

36) No one will try to disapprove this

37) England is not from "Wonderland"

38) No one will try to interrogate her to make sure

39) Cuba may not gang up with her male counterpart and try to take over any America

40) Iceland may not say that she doesn't have any volcanoes and then have a volcano explode right behind her

41) No, no one cares if it looks badass

42) There is no such thing as a "Churro Break"

43) Especially if the churros are spiked with beer

44) Norway will not try to strangle Denmark whenever she screws something up

45) Bombs are not essential for world peace

46) Churros are not essential for world peace

47) Cats are not essential for world peace

48) The world will not end if you call the "devil"

49) That devil is not Russia

50) STOP STALKING GERMANY ON FACEBOOK!


End file.
